How To Cultivate Conversational Intelligence

December 12, 2023

Passing on interpersonal skills to the next generation.


KEY POINTS

  • Often, younger generations are more comfortable on a screen than they are face-to-face.
  • Conversational intelligence is essential for all generations to thrive together.
  • Conversational intelligence can be cultivated with four action steps.


Kristie is a close friend who recently sat beside a 22-year-old on a flight from New York to Los Angeles. She told me the young lady talked for hours. It was an insightful exchange that gave Kristie a peek into the world of Generation Z. She felt like she was talking to someone mimicking a social media influencer like Kim Kardashian—she’s the child of a real estate developer, has two cars (one of them a luxury car), is wicked smart, lives alone in a house her parents bought for her, travels constantly but doesn’t have a deep relationship anywhere. Sadly, she is dissatisfied, has thoughts of suicide, and feels hopeless. So, how did the conversation go? The young lady talked non-stop and obnoxiously for three hours. Graciously, Kristie listened carefully. By the end of the conversation, the young woman concluded:


“I like talking to you. I think people my age don’t know how to have a conversation, so when we meet someone like you who can host a conversation—we just soak it up because our skills are like 'yeah' and 'what?'"


Kristie wrote me later and concluded, “Her longing for connection was like meeting a starving child who had never tasted food—but to witness her at first was to experience one of the most obnoxious people. (The kind that makes you wish for another seat on the plane.) But one inch below the surface—there’s a tender little girl wanting to interact.”


Conversational Intelligence

Do you ever see this inability in teens? What’s more, do you ever wonder why you struggle to connect with certain co-workers or why your department doesn’t run as smoothly as others? Organizational anthropologist Judith Glaser argues this is likely due to a lack of conversational intelligence, an understanding of how important conversations are to effective teamwork and how to infuse conversations with trust. While conversational intelligence is missing in many workplaces and classrooms, Glaser believes anyone can develop this faculty using a few key tactics, thereby improving the efficiency and effectiveness of their interactions. What’s more, students can learn this as well. I believe we must learn the value of conversations to human growth. Below, I offer some doable steps I’ve used that have deepened my talent in hosting conversations. Model these and teach them to your students.


Four Simple Acts That Cultivate Conversational Intelligence

  1. Learn to Ask Questions: One could argue that this is a lost art for millions of Americans, especially among younger generations. The moment our interaction could take place on a screen, we got socially and emotionally lazy. We hide behind screens. We fight with strangers on screens. We ghost people from our screens. Becoming skilled at asking questions means getting past asking ones that can be answered with a yes or a no. Instead, why not ask at least one question that communicates curiosity about the other person? When you display curiosity, you’ll be considered a great conversationalist. Since this may be foreign to others, begin with a safe and easy question about things in general, then move toward more personal and revealing questions. Begin with words like: Who? Where? What? When? And Why?
  2. Learn to Listen Well: In my opinion, this is another lost art. Author David Augsburger taught us: “Being heard is so close to feeling loved that for the average person they are indistinguishable.” Listening should make up at least half of your conversation, if not more. I am consciously aware of how much talking and how much listening I am doing when I interact with others. It helps to prevent me from dominating the discussion. Author Kevin Kelly said, “Even if you don’t say anything, if you listen carefully, people will consider you a great conversationalist.” To do this well, we must avoid the common forms of “fake-listening”: judgmental listening, when we jump to conclusions early; selective listening, when we only hear what we want to hear; impatient listening, when we interrupt or finish others’ sentences; patronizing listening, when we pretend to listen but are off in our own world; or, stubborn listening, where our mind is already made up.
  3. Learn to Empathize: Another lost art, empathy, is very challenging to practice, especially from a screen. Quite frankly, I met someone last week who told me he doesn’t want to work that hard at relationships, which is why he only interacts on a screen. Our culture is different than most in the world. While most industrialized nations are negatively impacted by portable devices, Americans get distracted by our smartphones and by the renegade spirit we’ve had since our beginning. We are fiercely individualistic, and it shows up more in how we live (more of us are living alone, dining alone, and traveling alone) and how we drive (an increasing number are more apt to be selfish drivers than courteous drivers). We believe it’s a “dog-eat-dog world,” so we must “look out for number one.” Empathy requires us to step into the shoes of another, feeling with them, and articulating it with our words (verbal), body language (non-verbal), and tone (para-verbal cues).
  4. Learn to Volley: For many, this is still another lost art. It’s the act of serving, receiving, and volleying, just like in a tennis match. One must serve the ball and then prepare for the volley in return. Two good players may continue the volley several times. So it is with conversation. I’ve found it helpful to view myself as a “host,” not a “guest” wherever I am. This means I assume responsibility to “serve” the first question or remark, then keep the volley going until a natural closure, as if I am in my own home. When I travel and speak, I usually bring five questions with me I want to ask my audience members. I venture into the room early, set up my tech and slides, then shake hands and meet people. By the time I speak, I’ve met a dozen or so and feel we’re acquainted. After a remark in a conversation, I might volley back with, “Say more about that.” Or, “I bet that felt awkward. What did you do?” Or, “What happened next?”


Today’s younger generations could benefit from improved conversational intelligence. Let’s help them by modeling it for them.


Source:   https://www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/artificial-maturity/202308/how-to-cultivate-conversational-intelligence

10 self-reflection questions for career growth

June 13, 2024
As the year draws to a close, it is vital to pause and reflect on your journey and relationships in your personal lives and careers. Self-reflection is a powerful tool for introspection, helping us understand our core nature and facilitating personal growth as we work towards a better version of ourselves. Whether you’re evaluating your work-life balance , personal development , or career progression , self-reflection can be incredibly empowering and beneficial for your overall well-being. The value of reflection and introspection Harnessing the power of reflection As we approach the end of the year, taking the time to reflect on the past twelve months is not just a ritual but a powerful tool for personal and professional growth. Reflection allows us to pause in our fast-paced lives and examine our experiences, decisions, and actions. It allows us to celebrate our successes, learn from our mistakes, and acknowledge our growth areas. By looking back, we gain valuable insights that empower us to approach the future with a more informed and intentional mindset. Understanding ourselves better Introspection is a vital component of self-reflection. It involves diving deep into our thoughts, feelings, and motivations. This process helps us understand why we do what we do, what drives our decisions, and how our actions align with our core values and goals. Understanding ourselves better is crucial for personal development and helps us make more authentic and aligned choices in the future. Setting the stage for future success Reflecting on the past year sets the foundation for setting realistic and meaningful goals for the new year. It helps us identify what we truly want, what areas need more attention, and what strategies worked or didn’t work. This clarity is essential for setting goals that are both ambitious and achievable and aligned with our personal and professional aspirations. Promoting well-being and reducing stress The act of reflection can be therapeutic. It allows us to process our experiences, both positive and negative, and can lead to a greater sense of peace and closure. This is especially important in today’s world, where we often rush from one task to another without taking the time to process our experiences. Reflecting on the year helps us close chapters, reduce stress, and approach the new year with renewed energy and optimism. Fostering continuous learning and adaptability The world is constantly changing, and adaptability has become a crucial skill. Reflecting on how we’ve navigated changes in the past year, both expected and unexpected, prepares us for future uncertainties. It reinforces continuous learning and adapting, essential in personal and professional contexts. Year-end review: 10 questions for self-reflection Here are 10 thought-provoking questions to guide your year-end reflection. These questions cover various aspects of your life, including work experiences, personal growth, work-life balance, and future aspirations. As you answer them, be honest and consider writing down your responses for a more tangible record of your thoughts and goals. Sample answers help guide and inspire you as you reflect upon your year. These example answers provide a glimpse into the kind of introspection and planning that can result from such reflective questions, helping you assess your current state and set meaningful goals for the future. 1. Best and worst work experiences What were your best and worst work experiences in the last 12 months? Be specific about projects, teams, roles, and activities. Sample answers Best: Leading a successful project launch, mentoring a new team member, and receiving positive client feedback. Worst: Facing a project delay due to miscommunication, struggling with a software tool, and experiencing a stressful team conflict. 2. Job success and satisfaction elements Can you identify three elements of your job that contributed to your success and satisfaction? Conversely, what three elements hindered your success and fulfilment? Sample answers Positive: Collaborative team environment, challenging tasks that foster learning, and recognition from management. Negative: Limited resources, unclear company direction, and infrequent feedback. 3. Skills development What five skills, talents, or pursuits would you like to develop or attain in the next 12 months? Sample answers Improve public speaking, learn advanced data analysis, enhance leadership skills, develop a new programming language, and cultivate creative problem-solving techniques. 4. Passion in work What topics in your work can you talk about non-stop? Does this energise you consistently? Is this your passion or something else? Sample answers I am passionate about designing user interfaces. Discussing design trends and user experience energises me and is a significant part of my job satisfaction. 5. Unachieved goals What’s one significant goal you didn’t achieve in the last 12 months, and why? How would you change the outcome? Sample answers I aimed to get a professional certification but couldn’t due to time constraints. I plan to manage my time better and enrol in a course next year. 6. Fearless ambitions What would you aim to achieve in the coming year if you knew you couldn’t fail? Sample answers If I knew I couldn’t fail, I would aim to start my own tech startup focusing on innovative educational tools. 7. Role evaluation How would you rate your current role out of 100%? What factors prevent you from reaching 100%, and how can you overcome them? Sample answers I’d rate my role at 75%. To reach 100%, I need more creative freedom and opportunities for professional development. With these, I could be fully satisfied. 8. Future aspirations Without any limitations, what experiences, skills, activities, and responsibilities would you like to have in the future? List up to 12. Sample answers Lead larger projects, develop expertise in AI, participate in international conferences, mentor others, work abroad, achieve work-life balance, publish industry articles, learn a new language, adopt sustainable work practices, engage in CSR initiatives, explore different company roles, and start a professional blog. 9. Personal growth and development How have you grown personally over the past year? What personal qualities or habits have you developed, and what would you like to work on? Sample answers I’ve become more resilient and patient over the years. I want to work on my time management and stress management skills. 10. Challenges and overcoming obstacles Reflect on the biggest challenge you faced this year. How did you overcome it, and what did you learn? Sample answers My biggest challenge was adapting to remote work. I overcame it by creating a structured daily routine, investing in a better home office setup, and improving my digital communication skills. Reflect to grow Remember, the purpose of these questions is not just to reflect on what has been but also to pave a path for what lies ahead. By understanding where you currently stand and identifying your goals and aspirations, you can approach the new year with clarity, purpose, and a renewed sense of direction. Source: https://www.pagepersonnel.com.au/advice/career-and-management/success/self-reflection-questions-for-career-growth

Difference Between Job Enlargement And Job Enrichment

June 13, 2024
Both job enlargement and job enrichment are human resource strategies used to improve employees engagement and increase efficiency that helps to achieve organizational more effectively. Job enlargement refers to increase tasks and responsibilities to the existing role of the employees. On the other hand, job enrichment is a technique of motivating employees by adding extra responsibilities to make job more challenging and meaningful. Difference Between Job Enlargement And Job Enrichment The main dissimilarities between job enrichment and job enlargement are as follows: 1. Introduction Job Enlargement: It involves increasing the number of tasks and duties to be performed by workers to an existing role. Job Enrichment: It involves increasing responsibilities and content in the job to increase challenges and scope that provides opportunity for growth. 2. Nature Job Enlargement: It is purely quantitative in nature because number of tasks are increased for employees. Job Enrichment: It is qualitative in nature. It means this technique is used to increase the content and quality of the job. 3. Objective Job Enlargement: The main objective of job enlargement is to increase employee motivation and engagement by decreasing monotony and boredom. Job Enrichment: The main objective of job enrichment is to promote growth and development by making jobs more challenging and exciting. 4. Additional Skill Job Enlargement: It does not require additional skill because tasks are increased as per the qualification and ability of employees. Job Enrichment: It requires some additional skills because it involves new responsibilities that require creativity, decision making and problem solving. 5. Authority Job Enlargement: It does not increase the level of authority as it only increases the number of tasks. Job Enrichment: It increases the level of authority as per the creativity and ability of employees. 6. Supervision And Control Job Enlargement: It requires more supervision, direction and control because it increases the workload of employees that increases the chance of errors and mistakes. Job Enrichment: It requires less supervision and control than job enlargement because workers exercise self-control. 7. Training Need Job Enlargement: It does not require additional training because employees are familiar with the jobs and responsibilities. Job Enrichment: It may require additional training to empower workers to increase creativity, decision making and control over the job. 8. Result/Outcome Job Enlargement: Results may be positive or negative depending on the motivation level and workload of the employees. Job Enrichment: Generally, it gives positive result because of increased morale and self actualization. Basis Job Enlargement Job Enrichment Nature It is quantitative by nature It is qualitative by nature Objective To reduce boredom and monotony To promote growth and development Additional Skills Not Required Required Increase In Authority No Yes Outcome Positive Or Negative Positive Supervision And Control Requires more supervision Requires less supervision Distinction Between Job Enlargement And Job Enrichment In Brief * Job enlargement refers to quantitative expanding of jobs. But job enrichment is qualitative improvement of the job. * Job enlargement does not require special training, but job enrichment requires training and development program to improve the performance. * Job enlargement requires more supervision than job enrichment * Job enrichment increases the level of authority but job enlargement increases the number of tasks only. * Job enlargement is horizontal expansion of job and job enrichment is vertical expansion. * Job enlargement does not promote growth and development but job enrichment helps in personal growth and career development Source: https://marketinglord.blogspot.com/2024/05/difference-job-enlargement-job-enrichment.html
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